Back-to-school season is hectic for almost every family. There are supplies to buy, forms to sign, lunches to pack, extracurricular activities to organize and an entirely new schedule to remember. For divorced or separated parents, there’s another layer: figuring out how all of those responsibilities will work across two households.
Even parents who normally co-parent well can discover disagreements they didn’t anticipate. Who buys the school supplies? Which parent gets emails from the teacher? Where does the school bus drop the kids off? What happens when soccer practice falls on the other parent’s parenting time?
Sorting out the small details before school starts can help everyone, especially your children, begin the year with less stress.
Who Is Buying What?
School expenses can add up quickly. Beyond pencils and notebooks, there may be uniforms, technology, activity fees, sports equipment, field trips and other costs throughout the year.
Before the shopping begins, discuss how these expenses will be handled. Your parenting plan or existing agreement may already address certain costs, but there will often be smaller expenses that weren’t specifically anticipated.
The goal is to avoid your child becoming the messenger. They shouldn’t have to tell one parent that the other parent says it’s their turn to buy new shoes.
Does the School Have Both Parents’ Information?
Make sure the school has up-to-date contact information for both parents when appropriate. This can include email addresses, phone numbers, emergency contacts and information about who is authorized to pick up your child.
Whenever possible, both parents should have direct access to important school communications rather than relying on one parent to forward every email, report card or announcement.
This is also a good time to check online school portals and calendars. Having both parents working from the same information can eliminate plenty of unnecessary confusion.
Who Is Handling Pickup and Drop-Off?
The school-year schedule may look very different from your summer routine, so don’t assume everyone knows the plan.
Work out who is responsible for drop-off and pickup on each day, where transitions between households will happen and what happens if a parent is running late. If your children take the bus, make sure they know which stop they’re using on different days.
For younger children especially, a predictable routine can make moving between two homes feel much easier.
What Happens to Homework Between Two Houses?
Homework has an impressive ability to disappear somewhere between Mom’s house, Dad’s house and the classroom.
Think about what your child needs to complete schoolwork comfortably in both homes. Depending on their age, having basic supplies, chargers or other frequently used items at each house can reduce the amount of belongings constantly traveling back and forth.
Parents should also decide how they’ll communicate about larger assignments, upcoming tests or school projects when necessary. Again, your child shouldn’t have to become the family’s project manager.
How Will You Handle Extracurricular Activities?
Sports, clubs, tutoring and after-school activities can complicate even the best parenting schedule.
Before enrolling your child in something new, consider the practical details. Who will provide transportation? Who pays the fees? Does the activity interfere with either parent’s scheduled time? What happens when there’s a weekend tournament or performance?
Discussing those questions beforehand is much easier than arguing about them once you’ve already paid the registration fee.
What About School Events?
Parent-teacher conferences, concerts, sports days and school celebrations can bring both parents into the same room.
If your relationship is relatively amicable, attending together may be perfectly comfortable. If it isn’t, think ahead about how you’ll handle these situations so your child’s event doesn’t become another source of tension.
The priority should be allowing your child to enjoy their moment without worrying about how their parents will behave around each other.
Does Your Parenting Schedule Still Make Sense?
Children’s lives change quickly. A parenting arrangement that worked perfectly last year may become much harder once a child starts a new school, joins a sports team or has a heavier homework load.
Back-to-school season is a natural time to look at how your current arrangement is functioning. If recurring problems are emerging, don’t wait until everyone is frustrated to address them.
Depending on your circumstances, changes to an existing parenting arrangement may also have legal implications, so consider getting advice before making significant changes.
Start the School Year as Teammates, Even If You’re No Longer a Couple
You don’t need to agree on everything to make the school year work. You do need a system that keeps your children out of adult disagreements and gives them as much consistency as possible.
A few conversations before the first bell rings can prevent dozens of stressful texts later. Decide how you’ll handle expenses, communication, transportation, homework and activities, and make sure your children understand the parts of the schedule that affect them.
Your marriage may have ended, but when it comes to your child’s education, you’re still on the same team.
